INFP ex advice

Do you haz relationshipz? Do they huurt?
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Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 10:06 pm
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INFP ex advice

Post by ENFJ89 » Sat Sep 08, 2018 10:29 pm

My INFP ex recently broke up with me, I am ENFJ.

Since the break up I've been doing a lot of soul searching which is how I came to know of personality types. To keep a long story short, we had a very deep, passionate and compatible love. We were together a long time, lived together, had a dog together saving to buy a house and would regularly talk and plan about our future family, however classic of an ENFJ I smothered her with affection, became too needy and jealous. In heated arguments I said some quite hurtful things that I sincerely regret. She gave me plenty of chances to change this year and in all honesty I really did try, I went to therapy but change takes a lot of time and unfortunately I made some mistakes in that journey and she broke up with me, she was crushed and still very much in love with me. It was messy, I accused her of abandoning me whilst she still confessed she loved me so much. After the break up we talked a lot and she kept changing her mind about being with me and then not. For a couple of weeks afterwards she would still text me but now when I've text her I got no reply. I'm worried that I've lost her for good and there is nothing I can do to make things right, I believe we do both really love each other and that our problems can be fixed if I'd made more effort into taking care of my own needs rather than relying on her too much for my happiness and learning to communicate, she always struggled with conflict and after reading about INFP's I can really understand why now. When we were together nothing made me happier than spending time with her and taking care of her.

I've realised the depth of pain that I caused her and after reading of her personality type and reflecting on her and our relationship that she was deeply invested and gave me her all, I want to show her that I really do care for her as much as she cares for me and that she made me a better person and that change in me will happen because of her, because she inspires me and I will never again allow myself to speak to her so harshly and cherish her. I know that talk is cheap and I will have to prove that to her, but how can I do that if she has chosen to cut me out? Is there anyway back in?

Can any INFP's out there shed some light on what I may do to reconcile with her or at the very least be on good terms with her, she was incredibly important and meaningful to me and although I know it would be extremely hard to be friends I know that I value and respect this woman as a person and would like to have her in my life still. I've written her a letter, trying to not be selfish and focus on the pain she is feeling and how much it hurts me to know she's in pain, because that is the truth (I always thought she was so precious and I wanted to protect and take care of her and it hurts me more than anything that even unintentionally I hurt her so much) and sharing that I love her and respect and admire her above all for the intriguing and remarkable woman she is and wish her happiness.

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