Being ok with me

[synapser]

I had a relationship end not so recently. I am lost in contradiction now. The relationship is over, but I feel her in the home we shared. She does not want me, my intuition tells me that will change. I want to live, I am not living without her. I retreat to the safety of my feelings for her without change or expression of them to her. I fear her return and her absence. My intuition, logic, mindfullness, meditation, and future are disrupted by desire. I have closure, but no openness for that which I new.

[BabyDragon]

Sorry to hear that. I think you need to hang out with other people more. Solitude will just reinforce the negative feelings you are experiencing.

[synapser]

Thanks for your reply. I agree, but I moved to a new city to be with this person who has left me with more questions than answers and conflicted ability to do what I is best for me. It's hard, I'm underemployed and stuck in a life built for two with only one income. Love swells in my heart and I'm overjoyed I got to spend the time I did with her, and I inevitably end up in tears.

I'm engaging with others through work, therapy, and volunteering, but I still am not having the friendships that I want develop. I also have always had a hard time connecting with others socially.

[crow]

Me too. It's easy to feel the fault lies with you, but maybe it actually lies with them.
Seriously.

[synapser]

Perhaps, her choices were always hers to make. But not accepting some responsibility myself would feel just as wrong. This kind of thinking, of placing blame, seems to only serve further separation and suffering.