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Feeling guilty...HELP!

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:11 am
by april
I've been best friends with a girl for ten years and I've always been supportive to her. So there is this friend of hers who seemed interested in me and whom I also really liked. As I knew my best friend was really attached to him I told her immediatly when I initiated a conversation with this guy. She sometimes said that he would be great for a relationship but had repeatedly said that she wanted someone more extraverted and she had been interested in other guys over the 2 years she knew him. At the beggining she seemed really supportive and made jokes about me liking him. As im shy and have no experience I told her it was friendly. Time passed and when I told her we had been talking everyday for two months she completely switched her behaviour. She said to me that this would test our friendship and that if I did something with him it would be a betrayal. I was shocked and tried to end the conversation with him, but he kept on texting and I understood I had feelings for him. I talked to my friend and told her that if she had feelings for him she should tell him, but she said that she would not ruin her friendship but if he ever made a move she would be interested. She kept saying that she would prefer him to be with someone else but not me because we are best friends. I was really sad and promised her to not text him if he didnt start a conversation again (at the time our conversation had ended). A month passed and I was thinking about him but kept my promise. But he texted me one day and we went out and we both told we liked each other. I had told my friend that I would try to be friends with him but I really like him so I lied to her. I think he, without knowing any of this, has told her that we are dating and she doesn't talk to me anymore. I miss her and feel guilty. I would like to tell this guy, who lives in another city, but im afraid I will expose her to him. What do I do? I still love my best friend but I also really like this guy and I feel fake towards him. Should I feel guilty?

Re: Feeling guilty...HELP!

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:03 pm
by crow
There's little point to asking anybody else how you 'should' feel. Don't you feel what you feel, and isn't it your own exclusive business?
But if you're interested in how I feel: I feel it would be very helpful to others if you would insert a few paragraph-breaks, to render large blocks of text more readable.

Re: Feeling guilty...HELP!

Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2018 12:02 am
by BabyDragon
A tricky situation indeed.

She may just be envious that he likes you romantically and not her. The heart does not choose who to fall in love with.

I think it's betrayal only if she had something with him first romantically, which it seems she didn't. It's still hard cause she's your friend, but I think she's wrong and there are also many other men in this world. If he likes you more, and you really like him, then don't succumb to somebodies envy, even if it's a close friend.

Re: Feeling guilty...HELP!

Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2018 10:10 pm
by synapser
Relationships change, people change, and feelings are what they are. You're problem to me seems to hinge on the effect this guilt will have in your relationship with this guy and who is more important to you. A good best friend would be happy that you're connecting with someone. Also, he had two years to make a move on her. Seems he would have done that by now if he was interested. I would not expose her feelings to him. That is for her to choose.

You may lose your best friend over this. Is the romance with thi guy worth that risk?