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Advice On How To Be Interesting to People?

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:58 am
by Freya221b
Hi all,

Does anyone else have this problem?

I'm an INFP. All my life I've had a really hard time establishing meaningful connections with people, because I usually don't feel like they're interested in knowing me. This includes people who are supposedly my friends or romantic partners. In conversation, I truly listen to people and respond to what they say. I draw them out, asking them questions about themselves, their lives, their thoughts and feelings. When they answer, I listen without interrupting. I pay attention and remember what they say. I'm genuinely interested. I long for others to do the same for me, but they never do. I'm smart, educated, accomplished, funny, and have had interesting adventures in my life. But people never ask about me. If I volunteer a little scrap of info about myself during the course of a conversation, I almost never get any uptake from the other person. They go right back to talking about themself. (This is especially true if I mention a topic that's important to me but that has no direct relation to the person I'm talking with.)

I always end up knowing my friends and partners *much* better than they know me. It's painfully lonely! Why does it have to be this way? How can I be more interesting to people? Does this sound at all familiar to anyone? How have you coped with this problem?

Re: Advice On How To Be Interesting to People?

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 7:26 am
by crow
I know this so well. It's just the way it is, and there's nothing to be done about it. Except:
Understand that people are wrapped up in themselves, and nobody else really exists for them, other than as targets to profit from, or obstacles to avoid.
Thus, forget about trying to establish communication or connection, and focus on your own experience of living.
Yes, it's lonely, but only until you get good at it.
Then it's wonderful.

Life actually isn't about socializing. It's about living.

Re: Advice On How To Be Interesting to People?

Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2017 8:04 am
by Phionite
Maybe the people you talked to were mainly Thinkers? I know it's not possible that everyone around you is a T, but those that are might get uncomfortable when you touch upon deep and significant things. I'm an INTP and whenever my best friend gets too emotional or anything, I get uncomfortable even though I know it means a lot to her, so usually I just shut up cause I don't know what to say and then she changes the topic herself.
Also, if you ever just need to talk about yourself, find a person with whom you're on polite terms, ask them something and when they ask 'how about you?', you go into a long rant about your weekend or job or whatever it is. Whenever I simply want to talk to be selfish I use this trick since most people will ask you back just to be polite. The person might not care, but you just might feel a little better.