Trouble making friends - an INFP trait?

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danteshydra
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Trouble making friends - an INFP trait?

Post by danteshydra » Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:40 am

hi to all

maybe this is circumstantial but I belive a common thread among INFPs is a difficulty in making friends...oh we can be acquaintences with almost anyone and everyone...but actual friends thats a different matter entirely

My story.

When I was pre teen I was considered quite popular amongst boys of a similar age - I went to a single sex school so girls were completely alien to me

Puberty hit and while other boys got off lightly I had spots, weight gain, no height gain and had to wear glasses...consequently I felt shit about myself and pretty much buried myself away as my popularity plummeted to be replaced by disinterest, rejection and bullying

Throughout my teens I only had 1 or 2 male friends at most sometimes zero friends

After a period of time with a couple of deaths in my family to compound my already messed up life I began to really crave a girlfriend - everyone else had one so why not me? So I focused on that

Fast forward some decades after several boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and evven a marriage and I have realised I have ALWAYS had a difficulty forming friendships....I am wondering if this is an INFP thing?

Entity
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Re: Trouble making friends - an INFP trait?

Post by Entity » Fri Oct 07, 2016 1:31 pm

I'm not sure if it's an INFP thing or not. Personally, I stick to having a few close friends and being on a conversational level with everyone else.
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

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crow
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Re: Trouble making friends - an INFP trait?

Post by crow » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:56 pm

People don't make friends in the way they once did. There are many reasons for this, and nothing you can do about it. But...
Popularity doesn't count for squat. Do you need the approval of a bunch of silly sheep? I'm sure you really don't.
There's this popular idea that one should have friends, and if you don't there's something wrong with you. Which is a load of bull.
In fact, not having friends probably says a lot for you: you're not a sheep.

I'm an old guy, and it has taken me many years to realize that people mostly suck and who needs them around, anyway?
It's hard for a young person to wait, but it's a waiting game. You'll meet one or two people, by and by, who will become friends, and that's really all you can hope for.
Meanwhile, your mate is out there somewhere, and only time will arrange a meeting.

A pragmatic view, and not a popular one. But, as I said: popularity is worthless.
Meanwhile, your best use of time is to get to know yourself, and become what you would admire, in others.
Work on it. One day, it'll pay off, bigtime.

danteshydra
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Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:24 am
MBTI type: INFP
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Re: Trouble making friends - an INFP trait?

Post by danteshydra » Sun Oct 09, 2016 10:54 am

crow wrote:People don't make friends in the way they once did. There are many reasons for this, and nothing you can do about it. But...
Popularity doesn't count for squat. Do you need the approval of a bunch of silly sheep? I'm sure you really don't.
There's this popular idea that one should have friends, and if you don't there's something wrong with you. Which is a load of bull.
In fact, not having friends probably says a lot for you: you're not a sheep.

I'm an old guy, and it has taken me many years to realize that people mostly suck and who needs them around, anyway?
It's hard for a young person to wait, but it's a waiting game. You'll meet one or two people, by and by, who will become friends, and that's really all you can hope for.
Meanwhile, your mate is out there somewhere, and only time will arrange a meeting.

A pragmatic view, and not a popular one. But, as I said: popularity is worthless.
Meanwhile, your best use of time is to get to know yourself, and become what you would admire, in others.
Work on it. One day, it'll pay off, bigtime.
thanks for your reply

Do you need the approval of a bunch of silly sheep? --- not at all but it would be nice to have 1 or 2 close friends

people mostly suck and who needs them around, anyway? --- yes and no for me, maybe I see the good in most people thats not really there which leads to inevitable disappointment

your best use of time is to get to know yourself, and become what you would admire --- good advice. i am working on the cliche of loving myself

Purple
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Re: Trouble making friends - an INFP trait?

Post by Purple » Thu Dec 29, 2016 5:20 pm

Best thing you can do is making acquaintances through your various hobbies. Once you meet new people, YOU get to weed out who's worthy of your time.

As an INFP, my self esteem is sadly very low. But when I look at all the crazies out there, I kick myself for such a low viewpoint of myself. Those who love me, really love me for who I am, not who I may pretend to be, in order to fit in.

In the United States, there's a website and an app called MeetUp. There are literally thousands of groups you can search through and find common interests with. I found a foraging group over the summer and immediately hit it off with someone I felt a strong kinship to. In a city of more than 8 million residents (NYC), do you realize how difficult that is? But the odds are in my favor the more I "put myself out there" and experience things outside of my comfort zone.

I say hug yourself, pick yourself up by the boot straps, and love your own company, yes, but also do things that you love, so you're not so self-conscious of other self-limiting beliefs.

And watch these two movies:
The Secret
The Tapping Solution

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