ESTJ mum and a hard spot

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Riverbed
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ESTJ mum and a hard spot

Post by Riverbed » Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:24 am

Hi fellow INFP's:) I'm new here.

My Mum's an ESTJ, and quite a fierce one at that. I constantly feel invaded, disrespected, and judged.

She's in her early 60's, and been through a hell of a life including all sorts of abuse, loss of a child, terribly unhealthy relationships and self image... And the way she deals with it is by "doing things".

Can't even explain how much she does... But as a result she is always resentful, rude, and controlling. I would move out in a minute but I'm not financially able to.

My question:
1) any hope for such a person? I'm so scared for something to happen that would force her to feel the pain she carries... There's way more hell she puts up with that I'm not writing (lack of energy and patience to write it all out)
But its bound to happen...
And 2) what are the chances of me, 20 yr old relatively healthy infp having a functional relationship? As it is now, I'm always dressed in my monster suit. (Just how I envision it: a full body armor covered with claws and spikes)

Because I'm not respected or given space, I'm rude and aggressive. She plays really well into it, but I know she's so hurt and it hurts me every time.

The pain is so much. But how can I change it? To relate normally, she'd have to deal with all her previous issues... Which she doesn't have the time, energy, money, or stamina to deal with.

But if not... She's my mother..

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crow
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Re: ESTJ mum and a hard spot

Post by crow » Sun Sep 27, 2015 6:15 am

Money does not dictate what must, or must not, happen. Having some simply makes it more comfortable.
I've been as poor as anyone in human history, for long periods. Twice as long as you have even lived :)
Yet I have had a life so full and varied, few even believe the stories I can tell.
Life does not wait until anyone is ready to live it.
No excuses.

Make of yourself a good example, then - if you feel like it - do what you can for your mother.

Entity
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Re: ESTJ mum and a hard spot

Post by Entity » Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:22 pm

Just talk to your mother. Have a nice discussion, bring your problems out in a calm manner, and talk. And welcome, Riverbed! Two INFPs have joined on the same day!
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

Riverbed
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Re: ESTJ mum and a hard spot

Post by Riverbed » Sun Sep 27, 2015 2:29 pm

Hey, thanks for answering!

I am quite nervous, borderline terrified to talk to her. Its so sad for me to watch, but most of my family has just shut her out of their lives.. I'm the youngest, and I feel a little more responsible to be respectful and give back, except its a totally warped and unhealthy relationship.

To talk to her about the issue of respect and space won't penetrate, because her need for control stems from all her pain and stuff, which I absolutely cannot see.

I'm not the one to deal with her mess, and she won't go get help. But does that mean its doomed unhealthy forever? In which case I will probably not talk to her when I move out.

Entity
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Re: ESTJ mum and a hard spot

Post by Entity » Sun Sep 27, 2015 4:41 pm

Just make sure that she knows you love her. I think that's more than enough to give her.
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

Ronaldinyos
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Re: ESTJ mum and a hard spot

Post by Ronaldinyos » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:15 am

I feel the need to follow, then it means that one is over.

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