I don't know how to deal with it

[missglimmerenda]

Hey guys! Sorry to sound whiny or annoying but I just really needed to get all of this out...but basically I'm going to start my Junior year in High School this September and I think it just hit me how hard this year is going to be...I mean I signed myself up for some really hard classes and now I'm questioning my motives...was it really for my love for the classes or was it because of the title...I always go into the school year confident that I'm going to get my act together and that "this" year is going to be the year where I shine and surpass everyone. I've been saying that exact thing since 7th grade... I guess I just don't exactly know what anything is anymore. I used to know how to succeed. I had a plan....a detailed plan for my success and I feel like it's all falling apart and I don't know how to pick myself up.

As of right now...I don't know if I'm more scared of my grades or my mental health. I'm scared that something might happen next year. I'm afraid that it might be a repeat of my freshmen year or the beginning of my sophomore year. My sister had a rough time her Junior year of High School as well. She struggled with...sadness (I don't like using the word "depressed" ...it's too strong of a word but I do believe that she went through it). I'm afraid that I'll have my sister's experiences and that I won't be strong enough to get back up. I'm taking harder classes, I have college to think about, I have to get my grade average up, I have more responsibilities....there's still 1.5 months left of summer and everything is already piling up and I already have no idea how to handle it.

And college...I can't even think about it anymore. It's how I felt when I self studied for the AP Psychology exams from this year...I acted like it was fun and easy but I was dying inside. The amount of pressure I put on myself for that stupid and unnecessary test. I knew I didn't study enough and the reason why I didn't was because every time I thought about the test, I would get a mini panic attack and I would just cry for hours.

I still have so much to do over the summer... I have 2 AP Bio assignments, I have quizzes every day for my Bio Course, I have tests, midterms, and finals for that bio course, I have to read the AP English book and it's heavy, and I have to practice the flute, I have to study math, and I have to write all of my college app questions to prepare for senior year, and it's just too much.

...since I'm just talking about random things now, I guess I'll just casually mention this. I don't have a lot friends. I have 3 friends because I raised my standards and expectations of a friend after events that occurred. My 3 friends are all guys who seem to have more in common with one another than I will ever have with any of them. I've spent such a long time trying to find a group of people that belonged with and now that I have, I don't even know if I fit in anymore.

Sorry for dumping all of my problems on you guys. Thanks for reading

[owiekapowie]

Well as a person who finds joy helping people I will throw on my 2 cents, so first thing, it isn't to late to drop one of the classes if it's going to be to much, it's good to strive to better yourself and to challenge yourself, but it isn't a good thing to run yourself into the ground to try and do everything, second I would say don't worry about college as much right now, it's good to set yourself up and to do what you need to for preliminary things, but college isn't something you have to do, it's something to do if you want be a doctor or something that requires a college level of schooling to do, but really there are a million other things you can do that don't require college, and if you do want to go to college it's something that can be a year after you get out of school or the like (not counting scholarships since I don't know how any of that works), and it isn't bad not having allot of friends, I have 3 people that I count as true friends, and that's it, I like their company and I can trust them, and if you can feel comfortable with someone then that is a true friend, the three guys you are hanging out with are probably people that you will drift from as time goes on, but that doesn't mean that you have to worry about what you two have in common, just enjoy your time together as friends and blow off some steam here and there so that you don't break down, and that brings me to my final thought, it's ok to talk to people, especially when you are stressed or worried or freaking out, whether it's a board, your friends, or your parents or siblings, talking writing whatever it will help, it let's you get out what's causing the panic and truthfully it doesn't matter what they say, because once you have said it you will feel that weight lift from you, soooo to sum up, take deep breathes, enjoy yourself because highschool only happens once, and don't be afraid to go alittle bit easier on yourself, nobody will think less of you for taking the path that let's you keep your sanity in tact, and you are always welcome to post your problems here, I'm sure others beside me will give good advice as well, we are warm and cuddly people overall

[Entity]

Aye. Don't worry about the problems of college just yet. Get a general idea of what you want and start from there. Don't worry about any lack of friends. Find people who care about you for yourself. It's never about how many friends you have, it's about how much they care about you. You're always welcome to post your feelings here, no one will resent you for it. We'll be here to talk and have an open discussion. We are INFPs, after all!

[Garanchon]

I am willing to be a part of volunteer work.

[closetgoth]

What you are saying is extremely relatable and I will try my best to give you some peace of mind.

You are having extreme anxiety about your school work. It is interesting when an INFPs intense emotions have to interact with the responsibilities in reality; you are having an overwhelming emotional reaction because you feel like your plate is too full. But you have to allow the logical part of your brain (you are clearly a very smart kid) tell you that its just f*cking highschool. The amount of thought and care you are already putting in alone will be enough to make you perform on a highschool level. Try to keep this logical thought as a piece of comfort. "I am stressed but it is because I am challenging myself! All this worry I feel is sort of ironic because my intense concerns will allow nothing less than success academically."

If you are a true INFP theres not much that I could say to allow you to simply "turn off the stress." But you can try to find some relief in knowing that what you are feeling is simply that. Feelings. Your worry is not based on evidence. There is absolutely no reason why you could not get straight As! As for college, people mistakingly think that they choose the college they want to go to. Your college will choose you my dear. and then you will sign up for a major and it is statistically likely that the major you choose will spit you out and you will shine greatly in something else. So don't fret about if you did not perform so well on AP testing. If you do not get into the nicest college of your choice then it simply was not meant to be. You will be more comfortable at a college that is more suitable for you and your intellectual structure anyway.

Many many many INFPs struggle with depression. In combination with the anxiety that you are feeling this can take you to a very dark place. I can tell you from experience that a big thing that is going to make your depression worse is focusing on the fact that you have few friends. This can be extremely hurtful to you knowing that you are not popular. INFPs do crave companionship and popularity and there is no shame in that, but you are also controlled by introversion and well my dear that is something that might never change. (By the way, all those kids that you see that seem like they have so many friends, they often feel the same way you do. They are just better than you at maintaining very surface level relationships. They always wave to people they barely know, they are not afraid to be the one to START talking to someone, and they do not mind basic chit chat.) but INFPs crave deeper relationships and that can make you feel lonely. It is very hard to tell a highschool student that friends are not really as important as they may seem, so I am not going to push that on you. Instead, try smiling at your peers a little more, saying whats up, asking about their day. You will feel good when you see how other people light up when you give them a little bit of attention.

Back to the depression issue. You are burdened with a very thoughtful, very emotional brain. This darkness and sadness that follows you may never go away. you need to remind yourself on your saddest days that these are just EMOTIONS! You can even distract yourself from being sad. Im serious. Why do you think INFPs love to read so much? Doing things like reading a book, RESPONDING TO ANOTHER PERSON ON THIS FORUM, or even playing video games or phone games or doing chores like laundry can reduce this sadness because it takes your mind away from the intense focus you have on EMOTIONS.