As of right now...I don't know if I'm more scared of my grades or my mental health. I'm scared that something might happen next year. I'm afraid that it might be a repeat of my freshmen year or the beginning of my sophomore year. My sister had a rough time her Junior year of High School as well. She struggled with...sadness (I don't like using the word "depressed" ...it's too strong of a word but I do believe that she went through it). I'm afraid that I'll have my sister's experiences and that I won't be strong enough to get back up. I'm taking harder classes, I have college to think about, I have to get my grade average up, I have more responsibilities....there's still 1.5 months left of summer and everything is already piling up and I already have no idea how to handle it.
And college...I can't even think about it anymore. It's how I felt when I self studied for the AP Psychology exams from this year...I acted like it was fun and easy but I was dying inside. The amount of pressure I put on myself for that stupid and unnecessary test. I knew I didn't study enough and the reason why I didn't was because every time I thought about the test, I would get a mini panic attack and I would just cry for hours.
I still have so much to do over the summer... I have 2 AP Bio assignments, I have quizzes every day for my Bio Course, I have tests, midterms, and finals for that bio course, I have to read the AP English book and it's heavy, and I have to practice the flute, I have to study math, and I have to write all of my college app questions to prepare for senior year, and it's just too much.
...since I'm just talking about random things now, I guess I'll just casually mention this. I don't have a lot friends. I have 3 friends because I raised my standards and expectations of a friend after events that occurred. My 3 friends are all guys who seem to have more in common with one another than I will ever have with any of them. I've spent such a long time trying to find a group of people that belonged with and now that I have, I don't even know if I fit in anymore.
Sorry for dumping all of my problems on you guys. Thanks for reading
