The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Do you haz relationshipz? Do they huurt?
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sometimesclever
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The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by sometimesclever » Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:28 am

We've all pretty much been there before. Had our hearts ripped from our chests so fast our heads are still spinning over the fact that anyone can wield that kind of power over another human being. It hurts. Residually.

So, what kind of off the wall, quirky, unusual, or just plain fun ways have you or one of your friends tried to get over the breakup? We can only barricade ourselves in our rooms for so long, listening to favorite music choices here (and might I recommend Sia's "Breathe Me"? Or Nancy Sinatra's "My Baby Shot Me Down," perhaps?). At some point, we have to look for other ways to get over him/her. What has worked for you? And what other reflective pearls of wisdom do you wish to share?

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sometimesclever
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by sometimesclever » Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:34 am

When the guy I thought was going to be the one broke up with me, I was pretty devastated. My best friend had just went through a similar breakup and so I drove over 18 hours to get to her, and we both crawled underneath her covers and stared at the ceiling together, analyzing what must have went wrong in our lives. Before I came back home, she loaned me this:

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"The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Break-up" by Delphine Hirsh

She said that it might even help, even though I'm not a girl (just gay! But really, some of it could even help the straighties). It's probably best to read it in that "I'm not yet functioning as a human being" stage, because I felt like a lot of the advice was more geared towards that. But, what I took from it is that you should pamper yourself from time to time, and change your surroundings.

So, I took one of the 'changing your surroundings' suggestions and bought myself a stream of Christmas lights that I plastered haphazardly along a wall and part of the ceiling, right over my bed. I feel like it changed my room (and partly my outlook, as I realized that I was starting a new era - of bedroom lighting at least) at really cheap cost and helped me feel that much more better about me and the world around me.

When my friend came down to see me, we crawled into bed again, and stared at the ceiling in our analyzation ritual, even though she and her boyfriend got back together and I was still alone. She told me that the lights made it look like we were looking up at the stars, and I felt like maybe some things keep on shining no matter how bad things might get.

So, Christmas lights is my (half insane) answer to getting over a breakup. I'd recommend them time and time again.

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MoneyJungle
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by MoneyJungle » Wed Dec 01, 2010 7:07 pm

Time generally heals these wounds for me. The longer I have been away from a person the more I can easily take an objective look at the relationship. The self-blame decreases considerably when I have taken the time to think things through. Of course it is not an even gradual slope to being "over" somebody. More like peaks and valleys until you realize one day you are glad to be without a certain person or infatuated with someone new. Not infatuated in the rebound ego boost sense but more of an open curiosity about someone.

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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by toasted » Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:54 am

I just broke up with my boyfriend, mainly because he hurt my feelings quite often. Most of the time it may not even be on purpose, but it doesnt seem like he feels guilt for it either. Even when i brought it to his attention, he seemed to make me feel bad for my feelings... He was my best friend and I love him, but I know I need to move on. Hurt is hurt, and i hurt quite often. I need a way to not run back; a way to keep my foot down. We go in a terrible circle of being happy and fighting and breaking up. /:

Joseph00001
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by Joseph00001 » Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:29 am

toasted wrote:I just broke up with my boyfriend, mainly because he hurt my feelings quite often. Most of the time it may not even be on purpose, but it doesnt seem like he feels guilt for it either. Even when i brought it to his attention, he seemed to make me feel bad for my feelings... He was my best friend and I love him, but I know I need to move on. Hurt is hurt, and i hurt quite often. I need a way to not run back; a way to keep my foot down. We go in a terrible circle of being happy and fighting and breaking up. /:
My gosh, that sounds almost like what just happened in my life. Only difference is she would TRY to understand, but could not. And she was so demanding of every ounce of my attention. I felt emotionally drained ALL the time. Even remembering her drains me...

I had to get out... there was too much pain. We also were in a terrible circle of happiness, fighting or misunderstanding, and breaking up, and coming back together. She usually broke up with me and I got us back together. It was horrible.

I'm so glad for both us that it's over. But I still feel guilty -- like I should have just steeled myself and married her for her own sake and masked the pain I always felt... but that would have driven me insane.

lee_lee
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by lee_lee » Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:30 pm

i loved wrong person. we have so much differences, its almost imposible for us to be together. so i denied and try so hard not to fall.in love with him. buat i love him anyway.
he loves me too but he didn't know that i love him or he just like me. try to ignored his feeling.
and now he is leaving.
i dont know how to forget him, i think about him every day and almost everytime.
:(

maritza
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by maritza » Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:24 pm

My boyfriend is sooo thinking... and he does not see how much I need more attention for the feeling part (even if I told him that). I love him very deeply but I am not sure he can understand my heart needs, and attention to nurture the relationship. I don't know what to do... or what to do to built a fulfilling relationship. Any suggestions? (sorry for my beginner english)

Wes171
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by Wes171 » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:43 pm

As an INFP myself, I find it very difficult to get over people. I often become infatuated with people that I may not even know very well, letting my heart race way ahead of my mind. Of course, as an introvert, I am reserved enough to keep myself from looking hyper-emotional about the situation and "wearing my heart on my sleeve," but with that whole dreamer personality comes a constant preoccupation with "what could be" or "what could have been" with a certain person. Unfortunately, as an introvert, I find it difficult to make the move on the girl, and as a feeler, I fear the disappointment that will come if I am rejected. I feel as INFP's--very loyal, trustworthy individuals--initiating relationships is quite difficult, but we can succeed and at least prove very genuine and well-intentioned in relationships. My problem is, when I am rejected, it takes me a long time to get over somebody. Even if I emotionally have gotten past them and have moved on, I often find myself searching for the "why" (why did I do this instead of that? why did this person treat me like that?), and I find it difficult to mentally let things go. Can anybody else relate?

subatomicdoodle
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Re: The INFP Guide to Getting Over Him/Her

Post by subatomicdoodle » Tue Dec 16, 2014 5:12 pm

lee_lee wrote:i loved wrong person. we have so much differences, its almost imposible for us to be together. so i denied and try so hard not to fall.in love with him. buat i love him anyway.
he loves me too but he didn't know that i love him or he just like me. try to ignored his feeling.
and now he is leaving.
i dont know how to forget him, i think about him every day and almost everytime.
:(
I feel for you - unrequited love imho is HARDER to get over because you have not experienced the inevitable "bad" parts about a relationship with that person - you will have an idealised version of him in your head and heart - I would even guess that you are playing and replaying many "what if" scenarios in your head

the quick answer to your problem is the boringly logical one - Just occupy yourself with activities and in time it will go. Consider this experience as a trial run, a rehearsal, for real love with someone who can love you back

A non logical help/solution

When I was in an infatuated state I was like a junkie and going cold turkey was very hard. I did find a *free* self hypnosis script online which I read to myself a few times and the ideas stuck. It helped me realise that I was not stupid or weak or pathetic for falling for somoeone who didnt love me back

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