Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Do you haz relationshipz? Do they huurt?
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JackMc
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Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by JackMc » Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:34 pm

Hello everyone. Sorry I skipped the introductions area and went right to the question. But it's not about us anyway, is it? Haha.

I operate a computer repair service locally, so all day I'm helping people with their computer problems. It's just me here, so I work very long hours. After work all I do is help people with their personal problems. I'm not a counselor, I try to be rude sometimes so I can get some time by myself. I'm working my ass off so I can pay my medical debt and relax and try to enjoy life. I haven't had a real vacation in 3 years. Everyone tells me I need to take a break, but that's after they've called me over to their house to reconfigure their router at 7pm. I try to do my jobs as soon as I get them otherwise they pile up and I'm really in trouble. Does anyone else experience this? Do I really have to be an asshole to achieve peace and tranquility?

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Fluffy
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by Fluffy » Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:04 am

Sounds like you simply have a problem of saying "no." Okay first thing is first. As you say, you're not a counselor so why are you putting so much effort? Are these people your family and friends? Well yeah I get that but certainly the same people can't have some traumatic life experience that requires aid everyday, this isn't a drama movie. I am also guessing you're not just walking on the street on the way back from work and just a random guy you meet tells you his problems and then you feel you must help. So I don't get your issue, it almost sounds unrealistic in a way. Don't get me wrong, I help out when I can but I never had to help out so much that it seemed like I never had time to myself and I am a full time student and just got a part time job. Also; saying no doesn't make you an "asshole." Just make sure you say it like this. "I'm sorry but I can't help you today. Can we talk later when I have more time? I need some time to myself." Something like that. I am just assuming these people you know so I think they will have the decency to give you your own space from time to time. I hope this help and I hope this didn't offend. :/

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JackMc
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by JackMc » Sun Nov 13, 2011 6:03 am

Fluffy wrote:Sounds like you simply have a problem of saying "no." Okay first thing is first. As you say, you're not a counselor so why are you putting so much effort? Are these people your family and friends? Well yeah I get that but certainly the same people can't have some traumatic life experience that requires aid everyday, this isn't a drama movie. I am also guessing you're not just walking on the street on the way back from work and just a random guy you meet tells you his problems and then you feel you must help. So I don't get your issue, it almost sounds unrealistic in a way. Don't get me wrong, I help out when I can but I never had to help out so much that it seemed like I never had time to myself and I am a full time student and just got a part time job. Also; saying no doesn't make you an "asshole." Just make sure you say it like this. "I'm sorry but I can't help you today. Can we talk later when I have more time? I need some time to myself." Something like that. I am just assuming these people you know so I think they will have the decency to give you your own space from time to time. I hope this help and I hope this didn't offend. :/
I wish I "simply have a problem of saying no". I live in a rural area. Population 1200, if that helps. I like that you think it sounds unrealistic. It sure feels that way.

Yes, I have a problem with saying "no". I'm by no means putting in any extra effort to go out of my way and help people. It's an issue, I'm obligated to help. I think people prey on that. I live in a small town and there's a small group of people that I associate with, whether I like to or not. No I am certainly not "just walking on the street on the way back from work and just a random guy you meet tells you his problems and then you feel you must help". I work out of my house and do everything I can to avoid people's personal issues. I try to do my work and keep to myself. I have even told people only to call me once every week or so. This has caused many problems.

I work on computers, on average, 12 hrs a day. I jump from "emergency" to "emergency". I'm the only person in this bi-county area who does this effectively.

A good friend of mine died this week, I'm a pall-bearer, so there's that. Also, I have a neighbor who is a war vet, ready to off himself if he feels he's not getting enough attention lately (he was unfairly charged with legal problems, imagine that), I'm his only friend since he told the rest of the community to "fuck off" (yes he needs help, so do the rest of the war veterans who kill themselves daily, it's not coming). I don't know what else to say? I'd make all of this up, but I've got better things to do.

Also, if you can't relate, if things like this don't happen to you. You can say, "No, I don't have these problems. That sounds fucked up, but I wish you luck." Because in reality, this is happening to me and the people around me. With the global social stress level as high as it is, I just hoped to hear that I wasn't alone. But if I am, that makes sense. I wouldn't wish this situation on an enemy INFP (whatever that is).

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Fluffy
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by Fluffy » Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:33 am

JackMc wrote:
Fluffy wrote:Sounds like you simply have a problem of saying "no." Okay first thing is first. As you say, you're not a counselor so why are you putting so much effort? Are these people your family and friends? Well yeah I get that but certainly the same people can't have some traumatic life experience that requires aid everyday, this isn't a drama movie. I am also guessing you're not just walking on the street on the way back from work and just a random guy you meet tells you his problems and then you feel you must help. So I don't get your issue, it almost sounds unrealistic in a way. Don't get me wrong, I help out when I can but I never had to help out so much that it seemed like I never had time to myself and I am a full time student and just got a part time job. Also; saying no doesn't make you an "asshole." Just make sure you say it like this. "I'm sorry but I can't help you today. Can we talk later when I have more time? I need some time to myself." Something like that. I am just assuming these people you know so I think they will have the decency to give you your own space from time to time. I hope this help and I hope this didn't offend. :/
I wish I "simply have a problem of saying no". I live in a rural area. Population 1200, if that helps. I like that you think it sounds unrealistic. It sure feels that way.

Yes, I have a problem with saying "no". I'm by no means putting in any extra effort to go out of my way and help people. It's an issue, I'm obligated to help. I think people prey on that. I live in a small town and there's a small group of people that I associate with, whether I like to or not. No I am certainly not "just walking on the street on the way back from work and just a random guy you meet tells you his problems and then you feel you must help". I work out of my house and do everything I can to avoid people's personal issues. I try to do my work and keep to myself. I have even told people only to call me once every week or so. This has caused many problems.

I work on computers, on average, 12 hrs a day. I jump from "emergency" to "emergency". I'm the only person in this bi-county area who does this effectively.

A good friend of mine died this week, I'm a pall-bearer, so there's that. Also, I have a neighbor who is a war vet, ready to off himself if he feels he's not getting enough attention lately (he was unfairly charged with legal problems, imagine that), I'm his only friend since he told the rest of the community to "fuck off" (yes he needs help, so do the rest of the war veterans who kill themselves daily, it's not coming). I don't know what else to say? I'd make all of this up, but I've got better things to do.

Also, if you can't relate, if things like this don't happen to you. You can say, "No, I don't have these problems. That sounds fucked up, but I wish you luck." Because in reality, this is happening to me and the people around me. With the global social stress level as high as it is, I just hoped to hear that I wasn't alone. But if I am, that makes sense. I wouldn't wish this situation on an enemy INFP (whatever that is).
No my dear sir, I can't relate. However, I never knew that relating to you was a requirement to help out. I like you am not a counselor though I really am hoping to be one in the upcoming years. Off topic a bit but I think that you should just try to get a break. Your friend passed, I am sorry but that is more of a reason for you to have a much needed break. The veteran is unfortunate but he is way out of your league. If he is serious about killing himself, he needs professional help and if you are a friend of his, I think you may be able to convince him of seeing someone. Now, I am only giving you advice in hopes that it will help. I really can't help you but that doesn't stop me from trying. ;)

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JackMc
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by JackMc » Sun Nov 13, 2011 8:10 pm

Fluffy wrote:No my dear sir, I can't relate. However, I never knew that relating to you was a requirement to help out. I like you am not a counselor though I really am hoping to be one in the upcoming years.
No offense, but you're not very good at this. If you want to be a counselor you'd better *try* to relate. "No my dear sir" is not a good opener for a reply to a post like this. If you can't help, don't. I didn't come here for an attitude, I came here for help.

Tip for Extroverts: Sometimes it's just better to say nothing.

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Fluffy
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by Fluffy » Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:05 am

JackMc wrote:
Fluffy wrote:No my dear sir, I can't relate. However, I never knew that relating to you was a requirement to help out. I like you am not a counselor though I really am hoping to be one in the upcoming years.
No offense, but you're not very good at this. If you want to be a counselor you'd better *try* to relate. "No my dear sir" is not a good opener for a reply to a post like this. If you can't help, don't. I didn't come here for an attitude, I came here for help.

Tip for Extroverts: Sometimes it's just better to say nothing.
I apologize, I suppose I am not fit to actually help you in a meaningful way. However I truly do mean what I said, I think in terms of your loss, it will heal with time. No, you don't need to be an asshole to achieve peace and saying no to people when they ask for help but you are emotionally/physically tired doesn't make you an asshole. Your friend, I feel badly for him and I do think its best you talk to him and get him some professional help. Thanks for the tip, I suppose you are right about extroverts in a way. Though it is up to you. You are the one who asked for help, I simply am the first one to try and give advice. I will not enforce you to take it or anything and its completely up to you to take it. I wish you the best and I hope I didn't offend you. Good luck. :)

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JackMc
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by JackMc » Mon Nov 14, 2011 11:02 am

Thank you. I'm a casket bearer too. Not sure if I can do it.

I don't even know where to begin. My best friend, the son of the man we're burying is passed out in the chair next to me. I was able to shut his phone off so his "significant other" couldn't attack him for the time being. I have all of last week's work staring at me, I haven't touched it and here comes Monday.

But I appreciate the good luck :)

RIP Hank. We love you.

Dwatsonjr
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by Dwatsonjr » Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:12 pm

Yep. I've been known to over extend myself.
In your post, you said you have things you'd like to do for yourself. When I'm honest with myself and take the time to chart out what I'd lire to be doing for myself, it's no longer me telling others ”no”. Rather, I'm telling them there's something else I have scheduled. Which is true, but tough to stick by...

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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by LPB863 » Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:32 am

Yes, I've been known to have over extended myself in my life. At one point, I over extended myself so much that everything in my life came crashing in. I did some serious soul searching, examining what I was doing and where I was going in my life. Subsequently, I re-prioritized my life and got on track. That's some very good advise in the previous post. Sounds like you took charge of your life and you set your priorities. Being honest with yourself is a very important component to that. Wanting to be in the driver's seat can help stick to your priorities.
"Challenges are what make life interesting;
overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
~Joshua J. Marine

Entejay
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by Entejay » Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:57 pm

What can you change?

Hiroakie
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Re: Does anyone else overextend themselves?

Post by Hiroakie » Fri Mar 29, 2019 1:02 pm

What can you change?

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