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Venting and need advice

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2018 11:39 pm
by Lostandnowheretogo
First of all I want to thank you for listening and reading. I am having a hard time right now as for the first time in 42 years I am doing more and more research on INFP due to my current situation. I have found a lot of answers but now I’m looking for advice. I appreciate any feedback.

I have this 36 yo male friend (I’m female) who has literally become my best friend at work. I have known him 7 years but we just started getting close about 2 years ago. We are literally best friends. (We are both in relationships with other people so it’s never been physical.) Lately though he’s been acting different.

For example, he saw me talking to another guy at work and had texted me asking me if I had other besties. The next time I saw him he said I needed to just be honest with him about having other besties. We had another time when he was planning on leaving the company and I asked him to stay and he stated well your applying for another position anyway and I won’t seee you as it is. I told him I would recant my application and then he mentioned he didn’t want to lose me and wanted me in his life. I agreed and we were good.

Two weeks ago we got into a argument because he frequently would text me I’m done when we disagree and I got sick of it. I asked him if he even cared about me because he was always quick to being done. His response was of course he did, he just gets angry so it was cleared up and we were good.

The following day I was told by management that my application was being reviewed for another position. I did not think anything of it. The following day I had asked him if he would be mad if I interviewed. His response was, I would want you to stay more than anything but I also don’t want to keep you from an opportunity. So I took that as move forward with interviewing.

A few days later, I told him I was interviewing and he proceeded to tell me he needed time from me because he was sick of me asking him if he cared and he’s done. OK I get now that he doesn’t like to talk about feelings. But since then he has blocked my number so I can’t text him, won’t talk to me, is super cold and has pretty much “slammed the door”

I don’t understand what the freak has happened. It has been 2 weeks since everything has blew up so I knew I needed to give him time. The thing we always said to each other was that our connection was amazing and so rare and we both loved the friendship. I am at a loss because how can someone go from being my best friend to not wanting to talk to me or be around me. I get I made the mistake on interviewing for the position, however when I was offered the position I declined via email and forwarded email to him as well so he knew I was trying to right the wrong.

Thing is we don’t really ever argue. We have an amazing friendship and we respect each other’s home life’s. I always knew he was different than others by what people would say etc but I was always different too and that’s how we had a great connnection. It’s not until now that I’m piecing things together when he had mentioned previously he was an introvert and didn’t have many friends because he didn’t like people etc

I really don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him or his current girlfriend to get an idea of him and how he works. I do know another acquaintance of ours told me he didn’t talk to her for an entire year and she just left Him alone but that’s so hard for me because we have a stronger friendship. Today (after not talking to him all last week) I went and told him I missed him and asked him if we were gonna be besties again, he shook his head and then he gave me the death stare. So I don’t know what to do at this point. I have always been a great friend to him and I have always tried to be a supportive friend.

Any ideas on what I should do at this point? I’m sorry this is so long, I’m just having a really hard time with letting go because he really is an amazing person and I don’t want to lose him but I also don’t know what to do for him either.

Re: Venting and need advice

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2018 12:31 am
by BabyDragon
A bit weird behavior from him if you ask me, although if you cared so much for him you wouldn't have interviewed for another position since being around him at the workplace is probably the only socially acceptable way to hang out without being called out for a romance or something.

There's nothing to do except wait I guess.

Re: Venting and need advice

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:50 am
by crow
People think everything can be negotiated, but few things can, even when all parties are well-adjusted and sane.

Re: Venting and need advice

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2018 5:05 am
by synapser
INFPs sometimes see themselves as advocates for the people they care about. He may be thinking that by cutting off your relationship he is encouraging you to explore professional opportunities your turning down because of the relationship. His fear of losing your friendship may have been overwhelmed by his negative feelings for holding you back from your potential. Men and women are allowed to be friends. If that's all you want from the relationship it shouldn't matter what the perception of others is. As long as each of your romantic partners are comfortable with the friendship, I don't understand the romantic concerns your bringing up.