I resent being used

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Healer379
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I resent being used

Post by Healer379 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:38 pm

Hey everyone...
Something has been bugging me, so I'm wondering about your insight on the matter.

I feel quite like the go to person for my buddies when they need someone to give some emotional support.

I always kind of enjoyed this role, as its what I do prety well. But I feel like people use me a little.

Its something I find so, so strange, because if I open up to a person, its likely that that person will be portant to me in other aspects of life, not just what I need help with. And I'd think that they'd feel that.

So I wonder how it works. And I resent the position slightly. I brought it up once with a certain friend who wouldn't show I existed for months but when she had a complicated relationship issue, she asked me about my life... Wanted to "catch up"... But I knew it was going somewhere... And then I kind of fell into that role again.
She denied it for the most part.

I find it disrespectful.

1) how does it happen that someone trusts somebody with their deepest selves, and disregards everything else?

2) resentment means I feel violated to a certain degree. How would you recommend fixing/leaving the problem
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

Healer379
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Healer379 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:40 pm

And is this an INFP strength or weakness? As in, should I be happy I can help somebody.. Or realize I'm being taken advantage of, and snap out of it
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

Entity
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Entity » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:50 pm

It's a strength and weakness. If someone only cares about your advice and counselling, they don't care about you. Use your abilities to help, and when they're using you, or in any other way mistreating you, tell them about it and deny them your full service. But not in a very resentful way. Be truthful, not hurtful.
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

Healer379
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Healer379 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:57 pm

Hmm. Makes sense. Free counselling, as opposed to friend.

Thanks!
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

Entity
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Entity » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:58 pm

No probalo!
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

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crow
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Re: I resent being used

Post by crow » Wed Sep 30, 2015 5:24 pm

This crazy need people have to 'help' others is a huge hidden problem.
Any need, any desire, is questionable, at best. Balance and peace are the result of the elimination of these desires.
You want to help? Don't!
By helping yourself, you automatically help others, by being a better you. It's called 'doing not-doing'.

Truth is, people see other people as targets from which to extract what they think they need.
Yet the earth is what supports every living thing. Sparingly harvest the offerings of the earth, and you'll have all you need to have.
People are not good for much, at least not until you no longer need them.

Healer379
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Healer379 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 5:33 pm

crow wrote:This crazy need people have to 'help' others is a huge hidden problem.
Any need, any desire, is questionable, at best. Balance and peace are the result of the elimination of these desires.
You want to help? Don't!
By helping yourself, you automatically help others, by being a better you. It's called 'doing not-doing'.
That would be true in a certain set of circumstances .. Codependency of any sort, as being detrimental to both giver and receiver.

http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/20 ... of-victim/

I wasn't referring to that though.
I was referring to ordinary acts of kindness because, well.. Just because.

To stay in a cycle of being taken advantage of.. Would fall under the link I posted
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

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crow
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Re: I resent being used

Post by crow » Wed Sep 30, 2015 5:42 pm

Being kind is something helpers mostly know very little about.
It pays bigtime to practice first upon plants, trees, birds, fish, raccoons, yourself, before moving on to humans.

BTW: where is our esteemed admin? She oughta write more stuff. Maybe she does, under another name :)

Entity
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Entity » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:08 pm

She? I thought BabyDragon was a man.
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

potatotoro
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Re: I resent being used

Post by potatotoro » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:26 pm

i thought he was a man as well.

Healer379
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Healer379 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:30 pm

crow wrote:Being kind is something helpers mostly know very little about.
It pays bigtime to practice first upon plants, trees, birds, fish, raccoons, yourself, before moving on to humans.

BTW: where is our esteemed admin? She oughta write more stuff. Maybe she does, under another name :)

I don't completely agree. Unless I really know nothing about giving.
What are your thoughts on giving to humans?
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

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crow
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Re: I resent being used

Post by crow » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:34 pm

Humans need to discover how to live. All humans need that. A survival skill, no?
Every bit of help handed out to a human is an excuse to not discover the essentials.
I didn't get help, so I know how lucky I was not to get any.
Now I really can help, although the manner in which I do it is not recognized as such by anybody.

Sounds cold and callous to those who do not grasp it. Which is the polar opposite of the truth.
Paradox FTW!

Healer379
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Healer379 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:40 pm

Yes. We cannot accept responsibility for another's dysfunction. Codependency...

It doesn't sound cold. It sounds extreme. Never to help a human for the sake of independence.
To walk the line of balance between giving and giving to the point that they cannot give themselves, is a road missed by many, but not to be avoided. In my opinion:)
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

Entity
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Re: I resent being used

Post by Entity » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:45 pm

Unrelated. Healer, are you a Lord of the Rings fan, because I noticed the signature. I absolutely love LOTR and the Hobbit, so another fan is more than welcome!
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

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crow
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Re: I resent being used

Post by crow » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:47 pm

Aha! You have opinions. Like everybody.
Another misunderstood thing about my wife and I: We do not have opinions.
Consider this: an opinion is what you have when you don't know the truth of something.
It becomes merely what you prefer.
If you do know the truth, it is not an opinion. If you don't, best not to speak of it as if you do.

This, alone, would go far towards explaining the craziness of humans in their human world.

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