Describe yourself at your worst

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Nomorenames
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Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Nomorenames » Sat Mar 12, 2011 6:31 pm

This will be fun! Feel free to share anecdotes, journal/ diary entries, things you've said, adolescent poetry (OH GAWD!). It'll be like purging, only all that nasty stuff will still be there, inside you :)
Some emo little douche wrote:It hits hard and dissolves,
dissipates and disseminates.
Right in the gut
your forehead feels cold and perspires
What your mind finds while it ruminates
the future revolves
around him stuck in a rut

You will not be needed
all the words you spoke were never heard
the advice never heeded
He found someone to share his arms
with or without you
you never mattered
you never mattered
you never mattered
the record is stuck in a loop
with or without you
he'll find what he's looking for
you won't
matter at all
GEEZ!

I am a master at downplaying things. It's not a big deal. No problem. Don't sweat it. Okey dokey. These are the things I say the most. I'm okay, even when I'm not. Despite the truth of that statement, there are times when one has to be totally honest with oneself. Admitting that I'm angry, that I'm upset, that I'm disappointed is admitting that I'm not as much of a saint as I'd like to think I am. It's admitting that I'm less than who I believed I was. Shit sucks, bro.

Denial is just the tip of the iceberg. I lack that inner fire that moves people. I'm not even exaggerating. It takes a lot to light a fire under my ass. Call it laziness, I think it's something worse. I feel no real reason to do things for myself. Maybe I've internalized a sense of worthlessness, and it's buried deep. Or maybe I am rationalizing stuff to avoid the real issues. 'Cause, you know, I do that very well. There's nothing like devoting hours of my life addressing faux-problems just to put off doing real work, real self-improvement. Avoidance- it's not just turning off my phone and disappearing, it's filling my time with distractions. Oh yeah

Let's get to how I hurt other people now. I'm a flake. I'll make promises and I'll break 'em. My word is about as solid as a graham cracker. Sure I'll be there to support you, if by support we mean me listening to you. If you want me to do something....well, you got other friends right?

INTERLUDE: Okay, I'm mentally challenging what I'm typing right now. EL-OH-EL. The truth hurts

okay. Now ask me if I care. Let me check. Mmmmm......probably not. I'm not very caring or good at it, but I'm great at pretending.


Awesome. Excuse me, there's a corner calling my name and an appointment with a razorblade.













(PS- I put this in th MBTI section since I'm curious to see what other's at their worst look like, and to compare and contrast. assuming anyone else participates.)

Krissie
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Krissie » Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:25 pm

Okay, I'll take this on cause I'm brave..

I once talked to a complete stranger 8 hours straight on the phone. I think I raped his ear. :)
I'm sooo lazy...I also feel I'm externally motivated lately. Or perhaps I've always been so?
I too can dream up ways to "distract" myself from doing what I should be doing...
I hate the mundane..

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Faby
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Faby » Sun Mar 13, 2011 4:31 pm

Denial is just the tip of the iceberg. I lack that inner fire that moves people. I'm not even exaggerating. It takes a lot to light a fire under my ass. Call it laziness, I think it's something worse. I feel no real reason to do things for myself. Maybe I've internalized a sense of worthlessness, and it's buried deep. Or maybe I am rationalizing stuff to avoid the real issues. 'Cause, you know, I do that very well. There's nothing like devoting hours of my life addressing faux-problems just to put off doing real work, real self-improvement. Avoidance- it's not just turning off my phone and disappearing, it's filling my time with distractions. Oh yeah
KIND SIR PLEASE VACATE MY BRAIN

So, let's see:

-Unmotivated, as mentioned.
-Apathetic, ties in with the previous.
-Fatalistic. I envision ghastly futures for myself and think I might as well unplug the internet, I'll end up on the streets anyway.
-Paranoid. Everyone talks about me behind my back. Always.
-Vitriolic. But I'm vitriolic most of the time, so I dunno if it fits.
-Depressed. Always am.
-Angry, to the point of saying things I don't mean just to see the other person squirm in pain.
-Haughty/arrogant/superior. Kinda funny, seeing as I have a pretty nasty inferiority complex.

etc

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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by BabyDragon » Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:05 pm

Uhh this really is an interesting topic.

I'm at my worst when I'm alone for extended periods of time.

I turn from idealizing my close people to vilifying them, doubting if they even like me, being paranoid...

I become envious (probably the worst emotion you can have), irritable, demotivated, judgmental. But whenever I'm at my worst I remind myself not to act on anything and not to take myself seriously.

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Faby
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Faby » Sun Mar 13, 2011 9:01 pm

I'm envious most of the times, really, and sometimes even of people who have/know/do/are less than I am.

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Kiddo
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Kiddo » Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:13 pm

I call my worst my 'bitch switch'. It comes only at a specific time. It's whenever someone touches one of my books or friends irreverently. I can be made fun of, looked down on, and mishandled but once someone touches something I consider 'mine' I get waspish.
One time a teacher needed something to prop up the projector with so that the screen would be level. He decided to use Jane Eyre, which was my favorite copy of my favorite book that I bought with my own money. It's a dirty paperback but I love it. Anyway, he casually SHOVES IT under the projector. My heart starts beating real fast, "P-please can you use something else?" I'm controlling it the best I can. "What? No." My teacher replies. I break out, "Use. Something. Else." My teacher probably thinks I'm trying to challenge his authority but I'm not. He HAD to pick the one thing I could not be laid back about. "It's mine." I furtively snatch it out from under the projector my adrenaline pumping. My friends understand my problem so one pipes up, "Yeah, just something else." My teacher, poor him, stands his ground. "No, I want that book," he beadily eyes Jane Eyre. I started to breathe audibly. My other friend who is really selfish but I can usually tolerate it rolls her eyes and says snottily, "Just let him use it." I slam the book down, "STAY OUT OF IT!" I had taken a short run towards her with my fists clenched before I came back to myself. I close my mouth, embarassed. I was barring my teeth like an animal. My teacher realizes he needs to calm us down, "Ahem", he says quietly, "I've found something else."
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myriad
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by myriad » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:40 pm

Kiddo wrote:I call my worst my 'bitch switch'. It comes only at a specific time. It's whenever someone touches one of my books or friends irreverently. I can be made fun of, looked down on, and mishandled but once someone touches something I consider 'mine' I get waspish.
One time a teacher needed something to prop up the projector with so that the screen would be level. He decided to use Jane Eyre, which was my favorite copy of my favorite book that I bought with my own money. It's a dirty paperback but I love it. Anyway, he casually SHOVES IT under the projector. My heart starts beating real fast, "P-please can you use something else?" I'm controlling it the best I can. "What? No." My teacher replies. I break out, "Use. Something. Else." My teacher probably thinks I'm trying to challenge his authority but I'm not. He HAD to pick the one thing I could not be laid back about. "It's mine." I furtively snatch it out from under the projector my adrenaline pumping. My friends understand my problem so one pipes up, "Yeah, just something else." My teacher, poor him, stands his ground. "No, I want that book," he beadily eyes Jane Eyre. I started to breathe audibly. My other friend who is really selfish but I can usually tolerate it rolls her eyes and says snottily, "Just let him use it." I slam the book down, "STAY OUT OF IT!" I had taken a short run towards her with my fists clenched before I came back to myself. I close my mouth, embarrassed. I was barring my teeth like an animal. My teacher realizes he needs to calm us down, "Ahem", he says quietly, "I've found something else."
:shock: You're a very good spy. This reminds me of an odd incident I had with colored pencils. I didn't start screaming at people, but... I was pissed.
MBTI is not stereotypical. It is a matter of causes (needs), causing effects (behaviors). MBTI does not measure effects, or predict one's interest in an activity. It does, however, allow us to recognize who we are and what we have the potential to be.

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Kiddo
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Kiddo » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:02 am

Ooh, tell me the colored pencil story.
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flabbytabby
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by flabbytabby » Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:29 pm

This thread is kinda juicy. *blushes*

At my worst, I'm depressive and reclusive. I can't get myself out of bed to even take a shower or grab a meal. I could simply evaporate through my bedsheets. I become angry at the world in general, angry at life, and I question everything. I get pretty existential.

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morningsea
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by morningsea » Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:38 pm

Recently, avoidant or angry, in denial, obsessive/compulsive about things that are not as important to other people

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Kevs
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Kevs » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:14 am

Sounds familiar...avoidant and angry. Reclusive. But then I get freaked out about being reclusive, like I am doing something "bad." As I mentioned in a previous post, my mother didn't like my reclusivity and said mean things, she was very anxious about me not being extroverted like the sons of her friends who were "out there" being all as boys are supposed to be...it made me question who I am with my own self punishing ways...taken me a long time to figure it out. Trying not to beat myself up anymore, but it is so automatic....
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morningsea
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by morningsea » Fri Sep 30, 2011 4:27 am

Kevs wrote:Sounds familiar...avoidant and angry. Reclusive. But then I get freaked out about being reclusive, like I am doing something "bad." As I mentioned in a previous post, my mother didn't like my reclusivity and said mean things, she was very anxious about me not being extroverted like the sons of her friends who were "out there" being all as boys are supposed to be...it made me question who I am with my own self punishing ways...taken me a long time to figure it out. Trying not to beat myself up anymore, but it is so automatic....
Accept who you are first, and then work on those things that need working on such as 'self-punishing ways"
- reclusiveness not being one of them - if reclusiveness is what makes you recharge and function better than before separating yourself from others - so be it.
Parents are just as humans as the rest of us and make such mistakes out of fear and frustration as well as due to traditional/cultural norms/ways and a skewed cognitive schema about certain things, although we expect older humans to understand and know a lot about various things especially mothers. My father believed that I should not be dating during my high-school days because his mother was a very traditional woman who filled his had with such nonsence. I believe she was somewhat borderline - everything was to her either white or black instead of shades of gray.
It is your mother's frustration and anxiety about your future (which does not do you any favor, and it makes more identity-crisis prone) than her non-acceptance of you.
Your mother does not understand that a personality is pretty much set thing, it is very hard to change - we can fake certain things, but INFPs are known for wanting authenticity. Maybe you can help her understand? Leaving a book or a pamphlet about MBTI especially INFPs where she is likely to look. Telling a mutual acquaintance or a friend whom she respects to explain to her that there are different personality types and that being INFP (with all characteristics of the type) is normal. Beating yourself up for things that you cannot change (introversion into extroversion without being fake and frustrated and overwhelmed) will not help you; actually, it will make you more anxious and depressed. I believe that you know that your mother is doing this because she wants to protect you knowing that extroverted world "out there" is what is considered the standard of normal functioning in our society. Unfortunately, a lot of other people are rather superficial about human personality due to ignorance and bias.

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Kevs
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Kevs » Fri Sep 30, 2011 6:27 pm

Wow, morningsea, you write as if somehow you know my mother. Thank you for your kind words and support, rather helpful I must say. Yes, I am working on just accepting who I am, took me a while just to get to a place where I could actually do this. It is wierd how psychic processes work in the body, how you can be beating yourself up and not even know you are doing it. It takes a while to sift through the layers of life experience, so that awareness of self is finally achieved fully...

Accepting oneself as an INFP, this must be challenging for folks, I wonder how people out there are INFP and don't know it, or how many never knew it, their whole lives? Imagine living in the middle ages and being INFP...maybe it was easier then, and harder?
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Noriko
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Noriko » Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:57 am

Faby wrote:
Denial is just the tip of the iceberg. I lack that inner fire that moves people. I'm not even exaggerating. It takes a lot to light a fire under my ass. Call it laziness, I think it's something worse. I feel no real reason to do things for myself. Maybe I've internalized a sense of worthlessness, and it's buried deep. Or maybe I am rationalizing stuff to avoid the real issues. 'Cause, you know, I do that very well. There's nothing like devoting hours of my life addressing faux-problems just to put off doing real work, real self-improvement. Avoidance- it's not just turning off my phone and disappearing, it's filling my time with distractions. Oh yeah
KIND SIR PLEASE VACATE MY BRAIN

So, let's see:

-Unmotivated, as mentioned.
-Apathetic, ties in with the previous.
-Fatalistic. I envision ghastly futures for myself and think I might as well unplug the internet, I'll end up on the streets anyway.
-Paranoid. Everyone talks about me behind my back. Always.
-Vitriolic. But I'm vitriolic most of the time, so I dunno if it fits.
-Depressed. Always am.
-Angry, to the point of saying things I don't mean just to see the other person squirm in pain.
-Haughty/arrogant/superior. Kinda funny, seeing as I have a pretty nasty inferiority complex.

etc
Haha... all of these.
My worst (interpersonally) is whenever I second-guess my first impression. I have strong intuition for this which is rarely inaccurate, with little reason/logic behind it. So I second-guess and ruin some/most of the relationship. I find it truly odd to second-guess myself when I know what will come of it.
Also, don't say "can-I-have-this-thanks" and walk away with my pencil/something without hearing my answer. I can get very angry, and my teachers never get the point (because we're all supposed to SHARE). But it's mine, and they didn't ask correctly! D=
flabbytabby wrote:At my worst, I'm depressive and reclusive. I can't get myself out of bed to even take a shower or grab a meal. I could simply evaporate through my bedsheets. I become angry at the world in general, angry at life, and I question everything. I get pretty existential.
^This works for my general worst. Sorry mate!

Randomosity
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Re: Describe yourself at your worst

Post by Randomosity » Fri Nov 23, 2012 5:38 pm

Well, I feel like a piece of shiz and become reclusive. Then, I feel worse because no one wants to be around my reclusiveness. Sit in my bedroom for hours, listening to music and daydreaming, and then I feel utterly depressed. Will remain likethis until I realize, "Oh, they weren't trying to avoid me- I wastrying to avoid them!" Call up my friends, pretendto be extraverted for a while. Lose all energy, feel badfor faking being social. Repeat cycle.

And I get really pissed when people are unfair or mock me and/ others. Example:
Random kid: "Oh look, there's that wierdo."
Me (suddenly transforms into some dragon monster): ROARRRRRRRRR!!!!!! HOWDAREYOU BE SO UNKND!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITHYOU?????! YOU ARE WHAT'S CAUSING AMERICA TO FALL!!!!!! YOU MONSTER!!!!!!!!
Random Kid (shocked by my sudden outburst): Ok. Umm... sorry???????
Me (feel horriblefor making this poor, trahic misunderstood kid feel bad): No, I'm sorry!!!! (Breaks down sobbing).
Random kid, freaked out, walks away.

Can anyone else relate?
I also become very angryat the world and become very existential.

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