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Am I too whiny?

Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2017 10:09 pm
by nanabi
I just feel like I have to get this off my chest. I'm going to be emotional and witty AF, just warning you.
The thing is that an hour ago I was in the kitchen with my parents, chatting while watching the news as we finished having dinner. The reporter talked about a teenage girl being bullied at high school and how many other girls in their teens are in that same position. Everything was fine (as it can be watching the news these days) until my mom mentioned how much she endured during my primary and high school experience.

Short story, I was bullied during that time. It's not something I think about at all, I've actually repressed it so much I can't even remember some f#cked up things they did to me. Anyway, I thought I was over it. It wasn't until my mom kept talking about it, I felt myself getting stiffer. She said things like how ashamed she was every time she happened to find my bullies's parents or how brave she had been for not letting it affect her. She even stated that it was over thanks to her. The truth is that those bullies were a group of former friends who were leadered by a girl who I thought was my best friend. She started to laugh at my clothes and how I loved books and stuff typical girls that age don't like; meaningless thing, I know, but that's how it started. Later on, it scalated into locking me in a public bathroom for hours, threatening to take away every single hair on my head, creating rumours to try to leave me alone at school, making me cry at public places and eventually hit me. Because of that, nowadays I have a huge problem with public bathrooms (I just can't use them), I have a tic with my hair which whenever I'm not aware I cover my roots with my hair and when I'm stressed I can even start pulling, and more.

I've always been very easy to laught at, meaning that I'm very gullible and I've always been too innocent for my age, I used to trust people so much, I didn't even dare to think someone might be mean to me on purpose. When things got serious, I didn't tell anyone. The main reason for that is that my parents were friends with my bullies's parents and I didn't want them to lose their friends since they were really close.

Finally, my mom found out because one of the school lunchroom ladies found me crying in a bathroom (I was actually hiding because I was forced to eat at the same table as them and I was terrified). My mum asked me about it and I remember telling her a few thing they did to me. She could see it was bigger than a simple fight but she still didn't do anything since she didn't want to comfront the bullies's parents (I'm not making this out, she said that was the reason), so I had to keep standing up for myself. At some point my bullies's parents found out what was going on and still did nothing. Since no one did anything I ended up fighting back and threatening to not look at me again.

It was way more than painful since in my mind I could still picture them as friends. I felt incredibly betrayed and ridiculized, but most of all I felt alone. Don't get me wrong, I had more friends, but these people had been with me since we learned to walk.

What makes me unbelievably mad right now is how twisted are my mother's memory of those years. It makes me think I'm not that important to remember or care about. I might sound stupid but listening to her talking about it made me so sick I had to go to my room and explode in tears. I didn't even know it could still affect me that much (I'm in collegue now). It wasn't until then when I related my high school bullies with my former abuser (which I'll talk about somewhere else) and how those experiences have so much in common and affected my daily social interactions.

I feel like now I understand my inner fear of making deep, personal relationships. I feel extremely vulnerable when I get to know someone and I always run away.

Sorry for the long post but it just came to me like that, thanks for letting me write this out. I feel better already.
Hope you're having a nice day/night <3

Re: Am I too whiny?

Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2017 11:03 pm
by Entity
I don't think you need to worry about being too whiny, at least on this forum. Here. you can let out your grievances to people who won't ever have the chance to ridicule you and put you down, since there are very few of us, and we're all spread across the globe, so no harm can come. Your mother seems to have been acting ignorantly, and I think, if she had found out, and been competent, she could have found multiple ways to diffuse the situation. The fact that the bully's parents were also ignorant also sets me off a bit, and I haven't even met them. I would say, if you fear being too whiny to people, just try to simplify and tone down whenever you talk about this stuff. Maybe shorten it to "My mom ignored it when I was being bullied," and a lot of people would understand why that sucks.
Sadly, I have no advice for your trust issues, since I'm young and haven't dealt with that sort of thing.
Anyway, welcome to the forum, and I hope that you're having a nice day/night too.