=(^o_._o^)= I am chairmanMeow

Tell us about yourself...
Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2016 3:55 pm
Gender (M or F): m

=(^o_._o^)= I am chairmanMeow

Post by chairmanmeow » Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:24 pm

Ok so in my 20's I never took it seriously forgot about it. Now Im 32 my habits include..

Being introverted, my mother has report cards from when I was in grade school and every quarter or everyone the teacher has written something alone the lines of "Loner" Im happy alone, got no problem entertaining myself, though I never really thrive. I fall to a sort of melancholy thought I have a very happy attitude all the time, even when I just sorta wish something would kill me already which feels perfect natural to me and confuses everyone else who I let in on that little facet of my spiraling madness. At least thats how I feel sometimes. When I have someone to love me Im a bit of the same different animal.. I never want to get out of bed when i wake up right away, I will cling to you and rain affections onto you because some deep part of me has a real need you refect that back to me and the only way I have to express that is to give you exactly what I need the most at the moment.. and if you dont and you leave me there cold and alone and manage to ignore my pawing at you I will hide under the covers with no real will to face the world for a few moments in denial that Im a little hurt, and rationalizing that your just not a morning person right? While dreaming up all sorts of narratives feeling guilty for being upset about something so little in the first place. Eventually I will get up, its fine be that way, coffee will always love me I dont need you. I know Im insufferable and needy while paradoxically negligent of so many things in my life because they dont motivate me. And what moves me one day doesnt matter the next, and I look calm and together on the outside all cool and often cynical. behind that Im watching everything you do and know more about you and what you might need in the next 10 minutes while all you know about me is Im in the same room, though I might not be, Its weird I can be in fornt of someone they wont know Im there or I wont be somewhere and people assume I was. Im the same token I can sit in a corner and all your animals in your house cats dogs whatever will be sitting with me in some pile because everyone just relaxes when Im around for whatever reason. Meanwhile all this stuff is incredibly taxing and Im usually hiding myself or hiding away from the extra weight of expectations overburdening me. I have a touch of an anxiety disorder actually everything gets to be a bit much, the events that pass through my little world the first two hours of my day if I took account of them I suppose might be staggering to a more "normal" person. When Im honest this is who I am and the older I get the more I grow into this person, because as strong as my sense of caring about what matters to me I have a almost stronger sense of not caring the slightest about what doesnt.

Ugh so long.. Im sorry. (>_<)

Posts: 503
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 5:19 pm
Gender (M or F): M
Location: Lothlorien

Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am chairmanMeow

Post by Entity » Sat Aug 27, 2016 2:43 am

Hello! Sorry if I was late to respond.
"A penny saved is a penny you keep." -Me

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests